The Bachelor's Underwhelming Finale

Oh Ben. If only I could physically assault you through my television screen. This year’s Bachelor thought with something other than his head, and followed something other than his heart in proposing to the seductive yet villainous model, Courtney.

I have a number of theories as to why the California winemaker would propose to the Regina George of primetime television. One is that he was drunk off of Chardonnay throughout the entire season. But my next and most logical reason is rooted in Ben’s (most likely) miserable high school days. I am guessing that he was nerdy and awkward, and probably didn’t have much luck with the ladies. Homecoming dances were probably a real drag, and I can only imagine how dreadful of a time he had at prom.

But twelve years later, here comes this gorgeous model who gives Ben some attention, and best of all, she takes him skinny dipping just weeks into knowing him. Done deal? You bet! Just after one night of knowing each other, Ben was so whipped by Courtney and her model looks. Even though she was the cattiest and most mean-spirited person in the house, confident little Ben kept her around.

After airing Ben’s proposal to Courtney, the “After the Final Rose” special came on. In between laughing at the audience’s hilariously cued eye rolling and head shaking, I was able to see some note-worthy moments between the new “couple”. The most ridiculous part of the special may have been when Ben adamantly denied cheating on Courtney. The photos in US Weekly Magazine beg to differ. An equally ridiculous moment was when Courtney tearfully admitted she’s not even sure if they are still a couple, then Ben comes out with his “oh yeah, we’re still engaged,” number. Talk about bad communication!

Even though the two seemed completely out of sync on the after-show, I will admit that Ben and Courtney seemed to share some weird chemistry throughout the season, and towards the end they seemed to genuinely be into each other. However, I am hoping that her good looks and this puppy love will only take her so far with him. On the show, she screwed up countless times, but was kept around because Ben was able to bypass her personality flaws in favor of her looks. Now that the season has aired and he has seen her immature behavior (which he admits has led him to dump her once already), I am hoping he comes to his senses. And cuts his hair. I think he is going to try and tolerate her for as long as possible to avoid the “we-told-you-so” backlash from America.

I initially cringed watching Courtney in her Cruella de Ville gloves walk up the mountain towards Ben, knowing that he was going to put a stunning Neil Lane ring on it. But if a seemingly grown man like Ben is shallow and ignorant enough to fall for all that is beautiful yet evil, then he deserves exactly what he got. I wish you two nothing but a miserable relationship and an even worse break-up.