28) Valentine's Day
Smart Ass Voice Writers
Published: Monday, February 14, 2011
Updated: Monday, February 14, 2011 16:02
Back in the "olden days", Valentine's Day was apparently a celebration of Saint Valentine, who, ironically enough, was beaten to death with clubs, and then beheaded. How that turned into this material-obsessed, frilly-pink-infested mess of a romantic holiday, I will never know. Apparently clubbing someone to death and then removing their head just gives some people that warm, lovey-dovey feeling inside.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for the idea of Valentine's Day, i.e., a day to celebrate love and spend time with those that you love. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is this:
It is no picnic being single on Valentine's Day. Now I am not about to go off on a clichéd rant about how Valentine's Day is just mocking those of us who are not in a relationship, but seriously. I hate that smug look that people get on their face when they know that they have a Valentine and you do not. I'm sorry; I didn't realize that there was a holiday specifically for mocking people who are ALL ALONE AND PROBABLY DROWNING THEIR SORROWS IN BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM AND ALCOHOL ON VALENTINE'S DAY. But apparently Valentine's Day likes to multitask and is filling in that position as well. They might as well call it "Make Fun of Single People Because They Have No Love Life and a Shorter Life Expectancy" Day. Or "Let's All Point Out The Sad People Who Have Received No Gifts and Whom Nobody Loves" Day.
So clearly, it drives me insane that girls who are in relationships no longer hope for presents from their boyfriend(s) on Valentine's Day, now they expect to receive them. Last time I checked Valentine's Day is not a day about love of women; it is a day about love in general. Not that I am against girls receiving gifts (because, again, last time I checked, I am a girl…and who doesn't like receiving gifts?), but women expect to get somewhat extravagant presents from their significant others, and then in return they give said significant others what? A tie? A lap dance? Please. Why don't we just agree that couples are not morally obligated to get each other anything and call it a day? It would save everyone a lot of time, heartache, and money.
Speaking of saving money, in 2009 fourteen billion dollars was spent on Valentine's-Day-related purchases. Really? We spent 14 BILLION dollars? On chocolate and flowers and jewelry and creepy little stuffed animals with huge eyes? Gee, I have a crazy idea, why don't we spend that money on something more worthwhile, like the homeless, or our schools, or, god forbid, attempting to get our country out of the massive shit pile of debt that it is currently residing in? But, no, Americans prefer to spend their hard earned money on more worthwhile items, like candy, roses and/or condoms.
And then last but not least, do you have any idea how many couples get engaged on Valentine's Day? Apparently 10% of all proposals happen on Valentine's Day. Now compare that to the fact that around 2 million marriages occur in a year, and that there are 365 days in a year, and…well, I'm no mathematician, but that sounds a little crazy even to me. Seriously guys, you couldn't think of any other day to propose, so you chose Valentine's Day? I mean, I'm sure it will be a very special day for you and your future spouse…just as it will be a very special day FOR JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Think about that one the next time you are about to ask someone to marry you: is today a major holiday in which millions of other people are doing clichéd romantic things for their significant other? No? Then you're good to go. Now this may not be relevant for today's college students (At least I certainly hope it isn't. People our age are way too young to be even considering committing themselves entirely to another person for the rest of their existence. Yeah, you don't even want to get me started on the subject of marriage…), but it is relevant to my point.
My point being: why do people make such a big deal about Valentine's Day? Is it because it's in the middle of winter and we have nothing better to do then to watch "The Notebook" and/or cover our significant other in chocolate sauce? Is it because our economy needs that little boost of 14 billion dollars to hold it over until we get our tax returns and blow that money on other stuff that we don't need? Or is it because we genuinely want to have a day in which we can selflessly celebrate the person that we love the most? It's up to you to decide, but personally I am not entirely against that chocolate.