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Tebow Retires; Plans To Focus On Religion

By Eric Russo
On March 31, 2012

He may have said he was excited to join the New York Jets over 30 times during his introductory press conference last week but Tim Tebow has had a change of heart and made a shocking decision today.

Back at the podium, in front of hundreds of media members, he announced to the world that he is retiring from the National Football League to focus on his charitable and religious endeavors.

"I'm excited to get to help people again," Tebow said. "I was excited to get to play in New York but after the excitement wore off I decided it was not very religious to try and take someone else's job."

Of course he is talking about the current Jets' quarterback, Mark Sanchez, who Tebow would have had the opportunity to take over for at some point during the upcoming season.

"Hey at least I won't have someone looking over my shoulder now," Sanchez said. "I'm excited to have the quarterback situation to myself."

Tebow will move to the Phillipines where he was born, while his parents were missionaries.  He has done work for an orphanage in the country and will focus on his foundation's plans to build hospitals for children there.

When asked about leaving all of his newfound fame and fortune so suddenly, Tebow said that that's not what makes him happy.

"First off, I would like to thank my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, for helping me reach this decision," Tebow said. "But while playing in the NFL is exciting and having the paparazzi follow you is exciting, helping people is most exciting for me. So I'm just really excited."

Rex Ryan, the head coach of the New York Jets was for once at a loss of words when he found out the news.

"I just don't know what to say," he said. "It's shocking that he would leave such a great opportunity because you know this year we really are going to win the Super Bowl."

Jets' cornerback, Antonio Cromartie, was very outspoken about the move before it even happened, saying his team was just fine without Tebow. He later changed his mind about the acquisition once the deal was finalized, welcoming the former Heisman trophy winner to New York.

He was similarly stunned when he found out he wouldn't be able to teach his nine children how to "Tebow" with the man himself.

"I promised all my kids that I would have Tebow show them how to do it," he said. "They were all excited but now I guess it's not going to happen."

When asked to give the media his children's names, Cromartie, hesitated and looked to the sky. It appeared that he had forgotten his children's names.  (Wouldn't be the first time.)

Tebow was asked about the chance that he would ever return to the NFL again and said they he just doesn't see it.

"I doubt it," he said. "I'm just really excited about going back to the Philippines and helping out the young kids.  Like I said, the NFL is exciting but this is even more exciting to me."

Although, it is one of the most bizarre and mind-boggling retirements in sports history, Tebow is showing an amazing amount of selflessness and courage in his decision.

When asked about being so gracious, Tebow said, "Oh, God Bless you guys. That's really nice but it's just what I have to do."

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